I've known to like 2 guys.

One, was seen by all as the flirt; the extremely sociable and easy to talk to. I was quiet, and in my own world. But, he would come to my place, frequently, and stuck a conversation with me. I guess, that's the reason I liked him. I was able to get to know him, more than the others. He was the first guy that talk to me as if I mattered, I guess. A gentleman who I came to like. I like to call him, in my mind, his given Chinese name. I guess, it was me trying to be just a little bit special. I had liked him for 3 years, sometimes off-ing when I tried to back out from this seemingly one-sided relationship. What was I to think myself as the special one when he does this to every other girl he meets? My mind refused to admit. I refused to be the one confessing.

Another, a friend; who stood by me when I was obsessing with the idea of the first. An awkward guy he was, but open on his views. I had deem myself not to like anyone younger than me, even by a few months. So, I specified that to him. Nevertheless, he still stood by me, until the day we graduated. It was until I started to forget about the first when I thought of the second. I started to blush, even just a bit. Friends had told me that he liked me. Was I wrong?

There was no turning back. The second had tried to confess, in his own way, I guess. He had ask me randomly, which left me stunned and he quickly removed that question with something. I could had replied there, but what was I thinking? Now, even if I wanted to, he could no long be reached, turning me away with the same reason I've used since the start. What could had happened if I had been quick-minded?

I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing. Blank. I brought this upon myself. I'm the only one to be blamed.